Four years ago to the day, I peed on a little stick. And before we could look… there they were, two pink lines had already appeared – followed by two giant grins on our faces.
In that moment, our lives had changed forever. I remember feeling so happy I could have burst. I remember thinking, how the hell am I supposed to keep this amazing little thing growing inside me – a secret… for another 8 weeks?!
And then came the sickness. Not just morning sickness, all day sickness that lasted until I was 24/25 weeks pregnant. Eugh!
Fast forward 18 months and there I was peeing on yet another stick. Once again we were over the moon. Terrified. But over the moon! Two kids under two, along with surviving pregnancy with a just turned 10 month old baby. It’ll be okay I thought.
And then came the sickness. That all day sickness. AGAIN. This time luckily it only lasted until 16 weeks or so.
Fast forward another two and a half years and there we were a week before our wedding day this August 14th 2017. Everything was coming together nicely, our final week of preparations were under way – and then it suddenly hit me…
I was feeling and being sick. Not just once, but all day.
Before I knew it there I was, peeing on yet another stick – with those two pink lines jumping straight out before I could even get the cap back on. We were well and truly pregnant. And in that moment I couldn’t have been more upset.
Now, I know that sounds totally selfish, however suddenly feeling like utter shit a week before one of the biggest days of my life was not what I had expected. And I was truly gutted. Then guess what, it just kept getting worse.
Luckily, I think on the actual day of our wedding, everything was so overwhelming I really didn’t have time to even think about how I was feeling. Our day was perfect but I definitely had moments of worry as the awful feeling of travel sickness/hangover washed over me throughout the day. I managed to hold it together and enjoy it! But by 10pm I was well and truly shattered and could have quite easily just called it a night and gone to bed ha!
Over the last six weeks I’ve never felt so poorly in all my life. Getting up and trying to function normally was near on impossible for a few weeks of it. I can honestly say there were times I sat on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out into the toilet thinking ‘What have we done?’ And truly regretting getting ourselves into this situation, again. I honestly felt like I couldn’t carry on feeling like this all day every day – and not knowing how long it was going to last. Some people suffer like this their entire pregnancy! The only time I didn’t feel truly horrific was when I was asleep. So, that’s basically what I did the first 10 weeks. Whenever I could…. I slept!
I couldn’t eat, or I was sick. I couldn’t not eat, or I was sick. I couldn’t fucking win. Why was my body doing this to me at a time I was supposed to be healthy? Nurturing and growing a tiny human meant I should be eating well and getting lots of nutrients. However, whatever I tried to eat I just threw up! It made no sense to me and it was starting to make me angry. It was beginning to resent being given this gift. Which I never thought I’d say!
After being sick all day one day, including the standard eat half my evening meal then go and throw it all up. Then come back to the table to try and eat some more. Snod said to me… ‘I think you should go to the doctors, this can’t be right.’
Then the next day while Bobby was at preschool, and Jax was napping – I turned on the telly ready to have a little nap when ‘This Morning’ was on, on ITV.
‘Kate Middleton suffers with severe morning sickness (Hyperemesis Gravidarum) again in third pregnancy’
Oooooo… I remember thinking, and off to Dr Google I went. (Here’s what I read)
And BAM. I suddenly felt like I wasn’t alone, that maybe there was something the doctor could prescribe to help me. So, I saw my midwife who referred me straight to the GP – who did some tests and promptly prescribed me anti-sickness meds. Within a few days I began to have a few hours during the day when I actually felt alright. Which made the world of difference. Slowly, I began to venture out of the house again!
Fast forward over the past two weeks and things have definitely began to improve a little with being on the meds. I have to take them religiously though, as if I miss one – boy do I know about it.
Nearing the infamous 12 week milestone
As our scan approached, I still hadn’t got my head around the fact we are doing this all over again. We had talked about having three children one day, however it certainly wasn’t on the cards yet. I had just started to feel like I was getting a bit of my life back, having spent the last 3.5 years with 2 under 2. Bobby has just started full days at preschool and Jax is due to start two mornings in November. Finally I might get some time to myself I thought. Not forgetting the fact that 3 weeks before we found out I was pregnant I’d booked a girls holiday to Ibiza next May for one of my closest friends hen do’s! The timing just couldn’t have been worse…
But that’s when it hit me…
There is never a RIGHT time to have a baby. You will always have to make sacrifices no matter what your situation is. I’ve been gutted I’ve felt so sad and upset at a time in our lives that was supposed to be so special (our wedding). Plus, I feel bad for Snod that I just haven’t been able to get excited over the fact we’re getting to have another prince or even a princess. All because of ‘Morning Sickness’!
Who ever named it that was a bellend.
Everything happens for a reason…
& this is ours ❤
Baby no.3 due 4th April 2018